I miss the feeling of being motivated, having the concentration and not being easily distracted from studying. Seriously, no joke. Like the period of time after getting my result slip for J1 Mid Years to Promos. I still can remember how I felt then, how I was so fucking scared of retaining at the end of the year that I just naturally had self-motivation to work alot harder. And yeah it paid off. The sense of achievement is just indescribable. But I doubt anyone will understand either, er yeah considering every person surrounding me had been having good results since Mid Years then. Imagine how more upset I was, almost everyone was satisfied with their results while mine were like absolute shit ha. Now its obviously more crucial and serious than last year, but I just can't seem to motivate myself, well yeah maybe for a day or even two I will be motivated but then it stops there and I go back to my old fucking bad habit of slacking my already limited time away. Even after experiences of my results slipping exam after exam. Its like I'm already so numb to the fact that my grades are not improving. No matter how much persuasions, nagging, temptations of rewards, lecturing I heard from my mom, they don't seem to work either. Its like one of my ears absorb them and a while later they literally exit from the other ear. I know I really don't want to be another big disappointment to both her and myself, and I really don't want to upset her with anymore troubles than she already has. But I don't even know why I am being like this, not wanting to be a disappointment but yet not working hard. And then there are those who will say "aya just sit down and study la, talk so much about motivation for what" .. if you think its that easy, then good for you but it doesn't fucking work that well and easily for everyone. Anyways, hope mr. motivation and lady luck will come back to me like asap because time is running out, thanks. (crosses fingers) & Life I will appreciate it if you don't fuck me and my A's up.
Xx,
Ps: I just had to say this, I had fun shopping with the girlz on Monday! Though my feet were aching like two bitches thanks to walking straight for like around 6/7 hours, plus I didn't spend on anything like I said I would. We kept saying it was really cool having our virgin(ok I admit I use this word, not them .. they said "first") girls' outing with everyone present haha. (Y)
Pps: All I want to say now is, when people ask, I'll tell them I'm just your forgotten sister and you're just my forgotten brother.